Ruben Amorim ‘joke’ fails to land as English press take him seriously

‘I’M NOT THE NEW FERGIE’ screams one back page. You would think the English tabloids would recognise a joke when they see one.

The curious case of pictures of women
The Daily Telegraph‘s Mike McGrath has written 967 words on the working relationship between new Manchester United boss Ruben Amorim and new Manchester City director of football Hugo Viana.

Of those 967 words, 74 are about the fact that their wives run an interior design business together.

Not the first 74 words, not the last 74 words, but 74 words somewhere in the middle of those 967.

So of course the article is headlined ‘The curious case of Ruben Amorim, Hugo Viana, their wives and the Manchester rivalry’ and is illustrated with an image of two beautiful women.

Which must make Mike McGrath feel hella special. Thanks for all the words, Mike, but look at these women: PHWWWOOOOOAAAAR.

That joke isn’t funny anymore
We have covered the farce of Sky Sports’ man Gary Cotterill badgering a Portuguese manager to speak English in Portugal elsewhere; we absolutely knew that Ruben Amorim joking about being seen as ‘the new Sir Alex Ferguson’ would dominate the back pages, regardless of Cotterill’s tantrum about him somehow letting down Manchester United fans by speaking about his Portuguese team in Portuguese.

Jeremy Cross earned his corn for the Reach empire by writing three back pages, though each opening paragraph was exactly the same: ‘Ruben Amorim fears Manchester United fans could label him the next Sir Alex Ferguson if he takes down Pep Guardiola in the Champions League tonight.’

‘Fears’? The man was f***ing laughing. It was a joke. And the Little Englanders can’t blame a mistranslation because a laugh sounds exactly the same in Portuguese. As does a dismissive snort, which should at least mean that Cotterill has no doubt where he stands.

The Daily Express took it a step further and screamed on their back page: ‘I’M NOT THE NEW FERGIE.’

Wow. Even the po-faced Daily Mail realised it was a joke.

MORE ON MAN UTD FROM F365
👉 Man Utd must ‘get rid’ of four non-pressers as Mikel Arteta defended
👉 Ruben Amorim takes the Sporting high ground for Man Utd as shameful Gary Cotterill deserves the ‘cold shoulder’
👉 Man United sack Ten Hag, promptly drop first points from winning position all season

I was only joking, my dear
You know who else can spot a joke? The Mirror‘s Sports Brand Writer Samuel Meade.

He realised in all his sports brand wisdom that Ruben Amorim ‘has joked that Sporting Lisbon’s result against Manchester City will either raise expectations or dampen excitement ahead of his Manchester United arrival’ and also ‘joked that Manchester City are a “hard club to improve” as he addressed his relationship with Hugo Viana’.

That’s a lot of joking; he should have dropped Jeremy Cross a line.

And yet here are the two headlines from the two pieces that begin by detailing Amorim’s ‘jokes’:

‘Ruben Amorim explains what will change for him at Man Utd after Man City clash’

‘Ruben Amorim can’t hide his real feelings when comparing Man Utd to Man City’

Do words just not mean anything anymore? We’re just surprised he didn’t ‘break his silence’ as he ‘showed his true colours’.

If I had a Hammer…
Away from Manchester United, talkSPORT have an exclusive:

‘Frank Lampard tipped for shock Premier League job amid Chelsea legend’s links to Roma’

It’s quite the coup to procure an exclusive from your own talkSPORT Breakfast host, for the tipper is indeed Jeff Stelling, who has zero insight into the situation but claims that West Ham would be “ideal” for Lampard, who has been out of work since winning one of 11 games as Chelsea caretaker manager.

Lampard would clearly not be “ideal” for West Ham, which seems the rather more pertinent question to ask, but our issue is not with Stelling talking nonsense (that’s his job) but with his employers trumpeting this nonsense as Lampard being ‘tipped for shock Premier League job’ when it is literally one, uninformed man’s opinion.

Still, job done because we clicked. So who are the real d*cks here?

Edu du du
You will know by now that Edu is leaving Arsenal for high-flying Nottingham Forest. Arsenal are likely to be quite perturbed but the Express are here to allay their fears because ‘based on his final act in the transfer market, it could represent a blessing in disguise’.

Yes. Breathe a big old sigh of relief, Arsenal fans that Edu is off because…signing Raheem Sterling on loan has not been a roaring success.

And the relative lack of success definitely justifies this headline:

Edu’s final Arsenal transfer call comes back to bite Gunners after brutal six-word verdict

Has it ‘bitten’ them? Surely it’s a relative low-risk loan deal that has not quite worked out. Not very sexy but true.

As for the ‘brutal six-word verdict’…we have literally no idea. There is no ‘brutal six-word verdict’ to be found in the whole article.

So we have had to write our own: What a right load of bollocks.

Gammon headline of the day
‘Roy Keane makes feelings clear on wearing poppy after Joey Barton called him out’ – GB News.

And how did he ‘make his feelings clear on wearing poppy’?

Put it this way, Mediawatch has today made its feelings clear on wearing cords.