Erik ten Hag makes surely his last Premier League winners and losers appearance

Premier League winners and losers covers Erling Haaland, Cole Palmer, Crystal Palace and Arsenal but the bulk of it goes to Erik ten Hag and Man Utd.

Premier League winners

Erling Haaland
It’s almost as though scoring normal goals is getting too easy for Haaland and he’s resorting to a kind of acrobat-poacher act simply to entertain himself.

In midweek, we saw the Norwegian scoring cyborg contort himself like a circus performer in a taekwondo tournament to bag a volley against Sparta Prague in the Champions League.

Against Southampton on Saturday, it was a similar story. This time Haaland set himself the task of tapping home while jumping backwards, legs a-straddle, and using his studs to direct the ball. Easy money.

Tune in next week to see Erling the Incredible plunder a hat-trick while wrapped in a straitjacket and suspended above a tank of piranhas.

Manchester City
Haaland’s unconventional effort was the only goal in an unusually laboured victory for City at the Etihad, but while Pep Guardiola’s men never quite found top gear, it was an incredibly satisfactory weekend for the reigning champions.

Sunday’s 2-2 draw between Arsenal and Liverpool allowed City to hang on to the top spot their Southampton win had given them a day earlier. Plus Aston Villa, currently fourth, unexpectedly dropped points at home to Bournemouth.

And as if their city-wide supremacy needed any reinforcement, United’s loss to West Ham means City are already a whopping 12 points up on their managerless neighbours.

Cole Palmer
Sky Sports’ commentary team were at pains to remind us what a brilliant footballer Palmer is throughout Chelsea’s 2-1 win over Newcastle on Sunday. But yeah, they’re not wrong.

Palmer’s 47th-minute winner means – with five goals and seven assists – he’s been directly involved in more Premier League goals this season than any player, including Haaland.

In fact, the ex-City star has registered more goal involvements than any Premier League player since the start of last season. And the lovely, raking pass from deep inside his own half he played to launch the attack that led to Nicolas Jackson’s opener doesn’t count towards any of that.

As iconic as he is laconic.

Chelsea
Listen, we all had a great time poking fun at Chelsea and Todd Boehly as they were spending recklessly while performing shambolically on the pitch – “billion-pound bottle jobs” and all that.

But the time is fast approaching when we will have to reconcile with the fact that Chelsea are actually quite good.

Their 2-1 loss to Liverpool last week is their only defeat in 10 games. After edging out Newcastle at Stamford Bridge on Sunday – with a little help from Alexander Isak, who elected not to square the ball to give Joelinton a tap-in in the 75th minute – the Blues are up to fifth.

They’re not on the level of the league’s title contenders yet, but in Enzo Maresca they seem to have stumbled upon an employee with a cohesive plan, something that has been a rarity at the club for a couple of years now.

Don’t cry because Chelsea’s banter era is over. Smile because it happened.

Nottingham flipping Forest
A 3-1 Friday night win away to Leicester shot Nottingham Forest into the upper echelons of the table and results over the rest of the weekend conspired to keep them there.

Forest are up to seventh, above the likes of Tottenham, Newcastle and Man Utd, level on points with Brighton and only one behind Chelsea. And it doesn’t flatter them. They boast the third-best defensive record in the league after nine games and have lost just once.

If Forest’s form sticks, Nuno Espirito Santo will have to be in Manager of the Year conversations.

Chris Wood
On the whole, Forest don’t score a lot of goals (just 11 from nine games). But Chris Wood does.

A brace against Leicester took the Forest centre-forward’s tally for the season to seven. He’s already halfway to matching his haul for the whole of the 2023-24 campaign, which in itself equalled his career-best top-flight return.

Liverpool
Not winners in a literal sense, but a point away at Arsenal is a point well earned. Outplayed in the first half, Arne Slot’s side adjusted and took control in the second. By the time their 81st-minute equaliser arrived, it was merited.

Furthermore, Liverpool are buoyed by the continued stellar form of Mohamed Salah, who tucked away his sixth league goal for the season. His contract situation evidently isn’t a distraction.

Likewise Trent Alexander-Arnold, who showed his unique technical quality with a lovely ball into the inside-right channel in the build-up to Salah’s late equaliser. If they can tune out all the Madrid talk, Liverpool fans can content themselves with the knowledge they still have the most gifted right-back in the world. For now.

And in collecting Alexander-Arnold’s measured pass and laying on Salah’s strike, the oft-maligned Darwin Nunez showed uncharacteristic composure.

They’ve lost their place at the Premier League summit, but there are plenty of positives for Liverpool.

Crystal Palace
Oliver Glasner’s honeymoon period at Selhurst Park did not extend into the new season. The Austrian coach was a revelation upon taking over from Roy Hodgson last term. But after going winless through the first eight games of 2024-25, Palace might have wondered whether they should’ve taken the £15million Bayern Munich reportedly offered for the manager this past summer. Some of us are old enough to remember when they sacked Frank de Boer for a barren streak half as long.

But at last Palace have their first win of the season and it was an impressive scalp, knocking off Spurs 1-0 thanks to Jean-Philippe Mateta’s fifth goal of the season.

“It helps all of us if we play in that way,” Glasner said post-match. “We are a very good team and it is very difficult to beat us. Getting this response in this game helps us.”

West Ham
Another side in desperate need of a win and who found one against ‘Big Six’ (albeit 14th-placed) opposition this weekend.

After spending over £120 million in the summer, two wins from West Ham’s first eight league fixtures had brought new manager Julen Lopetegui under fire.

The Hammers rode their luck against the Red Devils. They could have been three or four goals down by half-time if not for the away side’s profligate finishing. And the foul that gave them a stoppage-time penalty was as soft as they come.

But their second-half performance showed an adaptability and endeavour too seldom spotted so far this season at the London Stadium.

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Evan Ferguson
It wasn’t so long ago that Ferguson was tipped to be the next mega-money Brighton export, valued upwards of £100million.

A 33-game goal drought is a fine way to silence such talk. But the Irish striker tucked away a tidy finish in the Seagulls’ 2-2 draw with Wolves on Saturday to put an end to his scoreless streak.

He’s still only 20, and he’s still very good.

Wolves
Ferguson’s strike put Wolves 2-0 down with just five minutes to play at the Amex. Still seeking their first win of the season, it looked as though Gary O’Neil was about to oversee his final moments in charge of the Black Country side.

But Wolves rallied and, thanks to goals from Rayan Ait-Nouri and Matheus Cunha, pulled out a miraculous late comeback. It wasn’t the win they crave, but it will have felt like one.

Premier League losers

Erik ten Hag
Ten Hag said last week that he “totally ignores” United’s 3-0 loss to Spurs from a few weeks ago because his side were reduced to 10 men while 1-0 down, a sending-off of Bruno Fernandes that was later judged to have been incorrect.

It was a strange admission from the under-pressure manager – Man Utd played pitifully at Old Trafford before and after that red card.

And before Man Utd made the decision they should have done in the summer, Ten Hag would likely have compartmentalised Sunday’s loss to West Ham in similar fashion. Man Utd created enough chances to have been out of sight by half-time. And the Hammers’ stoppage-time winner was the result of a dubious VAR penalty given against Matthijs de Ligt.

But ignoring this one would have been to ignore the recurrence of an all-too-common pattern among United’s performances over the last 18 months. How many fans, after seeing their team fail to capitalise on their first-half dominance, had a sinking feeling that the Red Devils would lose their grip on the game thereafter and slip to another sub-par result?

And on the subject of United’s wastefulness in front of goal: it would be easy to give the manager a pass for that – he can’t put the ball in the net for them.

Man Utd have scored just eight league goals from chances worth an xG of 14.6 so far this season. That’s the biggest such discrepancy in the Premier League. And no team in the top flight has missed more ‘big chances’ (22).

So their bad form under the departed Dutchman was, largely, just bad luck, right?

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Mr Two Trophies might have you believe so. But Man Utd have also benefitted from more ‘luck’ in front of their own goal than any other side. The shots they have conceded this season have been worth 17.52xG, yet they have shipped only 11 goals.

And of all those big chances they have squandered, Marcus Rashford – the only player in the squad who’s ever scored 30 goals in a season – is responsible for just one; Rasmus Hojlund, their £72million striker, has also missed only one big chance.

Conversely, Alejandro Garnacho has missed seven. Fernandes has missed five. Diogo Dalot has missed three and centre-back Lisandro Martinez has missed two.

So Ten Hag seemingly crafted a system that leaked chances at one end and created plenty at the other, but just not for the players most capable of taking them. His sacking was inevitable.

Diogo Dalot
Could’ve spared his manager for another week or so if he’d not blazed over an open goal.

The ageing process
Father Time is being dealt a rare L this season by Danny Welbeck. The Brighton striker notched his sixth league goal of the campaign in Brighton’s 2-2 draw with Wolves.

After just nine games, the former Arsenal and England striker has not only equalled his best-ever return for the Seagulls but also his best since the 2013-14 season. When he was playing for Man Utd. Who were the reigning Premier League champions. And managed by David Moyes.

Tottenham
They can’t help themselves, can they? Smash Man Utd, lose the next game to Brighton. Batter West Ham, lose a week later to Palace. Spurs are almost always entertaining, often thrilling and sometimes magnificent. But are they good? Who the f**k knows.

Arsenal
Arsenal looked very much like title contenders for most of their eventual draw with Liverpool. And while their concession of a late equaliser was a sickener for the Gunners, a point against such high-level opposition while missing your best creative midfielder (Martin Odegaard) and defender (William Saliba) is a solid-enough outcome.

What is most disappointing for Mikel Arteta’s side, though, is that Gabriel Magalhaes and Jurrien Timber both added their names to Arsenal’s injury list, forced off in the 54th and 76th minute, respectively.

After a trip to Preston in the EFL Cup, Arsenal’s fixture list reads Newcastle (A), Inter (A) and Chelsea (A). Now is not the best time to shed players.

Alexander Isak
Square it, FFS!

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