Aston Villa help out Erik ten Hag by playing out most boring game possible with Manchester United
Never before have so many given so much to do so little. If you can find us a materially duller football match than Aston Villa vs Manchester United this season, we shall buy you a small cake.
That, of course, played into Manchester United’s hands more than Aston Villa’s, which tells you a lot about where these two sides are in 2024. Erik ten Hag picked a side that screamed ‘please do just enough not to get me sacked during the international break’, and in all likelihood that’s what he’s got from this. Mission…accomplished?
Well…on the day, yes. Clearly, in a macro sense, this is not what United should be. Obviously. That’s been the case for 11 years. Their fans have a right to expect more from a club that has spent hundreds of millions and gone through a bevy of managers, all in the pursuit of maintaining their mind-numbing/hilarious mediocrity.
You could look at it one of two ways, and both are entirely valid. The bigger picture is that for United to have such limits on their ambitions as they should here is nothing but a condemnation of their mismanagement at all levels over the long term.
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But after the week they’ve had – the season they’ve had, really – those grand ideas of storming back to becoming an irresistible attacking force realistically had to be parked alongside the minibus United brought to Villa Park, with Jonny Evans and Harry Maguire sitting in the back seat. Take the name ‘Manchester United’ off the badge, and a goalless draw at Villa Park actually isn’t a bad result for a side in their position. The problem, of course, is that they should not be in that position in the first place.
There was, naturally, nothing in the way of flair or incision about the way United played. In contrast to Villa’s back line doing most of their ball work over the halfway line, United’s defenders were content to sit on the edge of their own third.
Rasmus Hojlund and his replacement from the bench, Joshua Zirkzee, must have sprinted something like a cumulative five yards across the 90 minutes. Every time United did get into position to shoot – all from the wings – they duly placed it as close as they possibly could to where Emi Martinez was standing – with the exception of one Bruno Fernandes free kick that spronked back out off the crossbar.
For all their territorial domination, Villa more than played their part in ensuring the game remained entirely devoid of spectacle.
After their heroics against Bayern Munich in midweek, Unai Emery’s side seemed determined to do a kindness to United. Of their 427 set pieces, approximately 426 ended up played straight to Andre Onana’s hands, into the shins of the first defender, or passed out for a goal kick.
The hosts were also uncharacteristically generous from open play. Repeatedly in the first half, you could have drawn a 20 yard circle around Christian Eriksen trying to defend in the United midfield, and there would have been three or four claret shirts and no white away shirts contained within. Still the feckless hosts were unable to take advantage.
Let’s be very honest: ten Hag and United were exceptionally lucky that Villa failed to turn up. Getting a more stable performance is a small step forward for the manager after his side’s shambolic recent displays, and the club hierarchy had been painfully clear in the summer that they did not particularly expect giant forward strides.
Still, just hanging on in there is not at all fun, as the expression on the face of that poor little cat on the washing line makes clear. Is this the best they can do?
The worrying thing is that right now, the answer is…yes. Yes it is. It may be enough to get ten Hag at least another couple of weeks – but god, it’s uninspiring, isn’t it?
