Arsenal ‘predicted’ to ‘collapse’ and finish eighth by absolutely sodding nobody

Editor F365
Arsenal looking forlorn
Arsenal looking forlorn

The Mail entirely misunderstand while the Mirror sh*house the Opta data to suggest Arsenal are predicted to finish eighth.

 

Tale of the unexpected
The quest for clickable content is so frenzied that sometimes, a massive media giant like MailOnline publish something that is absolute and utter bollocks.

And not in the usual ‘absolute and utter bollocks’ of hyperbole and non-news, but something that is so undeniably absolute and utter bollocks that a) they have to do a frenzied and incomplete re-write and b) you have to wonder if there is a collective and complete loss of sense.

Is anybody but the author even reading anything anymore? MailOnline have a gargantuan staff so how does this utter nonsense get published and remain published in this form for over 12 hours?

Supercomputer predicts the final Premier League table with new champions crowned, Arsenal finishing MID-TABLE and Man United set for another disastrous points total

Now, you know Mediawatch loves a supercomputer, which is a quaint ‘yer dad’ way of saying ‘algorithm’. And supercomputers predicting final Premier League tables have been A Thing since boffins were invented.

But this supercomputer has not predicted a final Premier League table at all. Oh no. But an absolute non-boffin at the Mail has read the word ‘expected’ (as in expected points) in an Opta release and concluded that ‘expected’ is a synonym for ‘predicted’.

Spoiler: It’s not.

Opta describe this table as ‘what the table ‘should’ look like based on each team’s underlying numbers’ and yet, here are the Mail (no point naming the writer; we don’t blame him, we blame the click farm) declaring that Arsenal are about to finish MID-TABLE.

The Premier League’s expected final positions has been revealed after a supercomputer ran thousands of predictions with some shocking results being discovered.

Nope.

Now, Opta’s supercomputer has crunched the numbers and have predicted fans will be celebrating a new Premier League champion come May that will end City’s grip on the English top-flight title.

Really nope.

The Blues are predicted to finish above their London rivals, Arsenal, with Mikel Arteta’s side tipped to not even finish in the top four and down in 8th position come the end of the season.

Really, really nope.

And we suspect that the folks at Opta absolutely lost their sh*t when they realised that somebody had so catastrophically misread their data. They don’t even own a supercomputer, just normal ones.

And 12 hours after the Mail had an absolute ‘mare, they finally edited the content. But not quite well enough.

There’s still a bullet point declaring that ‘The Premier League final table has been predicted by Opta’s supercomputer’ (it’s just a computer, guys, we don’t even think you need a white coat to operate it) and they are merrily writing that ‘Opta’s supercomputer has crunched the numbers and have predicted that while some clubs are performing as expected’, when that makes absolutely zero sense.

And what also makes absolutely zero sense is publishing this absolute drivel without somebody saying ‘Arsenal? In eighth? Are you sure you have got this right?’

But why ask questions when you can predict that Arsenal will finish MID-TABLE and sweep up all those delicious clicks?

 

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall…
We were willing to absolve a content bod at the Mail of responsibility for the above, we are giving no such leeway to Mirror Sport‘s Senior Sports Writer Jacob Leeks, who has not misunderstood the data; he has entirely understood it and decided to utterly sh*house in the name of clicks, as is the Mirror way.

A new supercomputer has predicted Arsenal will collapse to an eighth-place finish if their current form continues.

Ignoring the compelling image of a bod from Opta heading to Curry’s on his lunch break to buy a ‘new supercomputer’, this really is absolute bollocks and we suspect Leeks absolutely knows this.

He knows that an expected points table ‘predicts’ nothing; we know an expected points table ‘predicts’ nothing; he doesn’t give a shit.

All Opta have essentially done is present the data from the seven Premier League games played so far, acknowledging that Arsenal’s numbers have been influenced by the ‘game state’ of having two players sent off.

What they absolutely have not done is predicted that Arsenal will ‘collapse’ to an eighth-placed finish.

In fact, Opta’s actual predictions have Arsenal finishing in second. But that’s not very exciting, is it?

No, what’s exciting is ‘Opta Supercomputer predicts Arsenal collapse as new Premier League champions crowned’.

Get on the phone again, Opta.

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Who won?
‘Seismic verdict for football that leaves financial rules in tatters: The Premier League overplayed its hand and now the whole concept of PSR is in the bin. Man City’s legal victory could have huge consequences for some clubs’ – Martin Samuel, The Times.

‘Forget Manchester City’s ‘triumph’ the losses outweigh the wins in landmark ruling’ – Sam Wallace, Daily Telegraph.

‘Score draw between City and the Premier League. But the game is a loser’ – Henry Winter, Henry Winter.

Mediawatch