Arsenal and their ‘rancid unicorn turd’ will win nothing; bring in Xabi Alonso

Donald Trump is a convicted felon and still won something before Mikel Arteta at Arsenal! Plus, let’s talk about Mikel Merino…

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Trump won something when Arteta can’t
Anyone wanna guess Agent Zero’s Stat line for yet Another big game?

Zero goals
Zero assists
Zero big chances created
Zero duels won
£280k a week for That, Ladies and gents. More than Palmer, Diaz, Watkins, Isak, Gakpo, etc.

Merino: wouldn’t get in the current Brentford or Ipswich sides but Arteta and now-departed Edu spent six weeks chasing this rancid unicorn turd, because he scored a late winner in the Euros vs an average German team. Unreal. Who does the scouting at Arsenal?

Arne Slot. New league, new manager, players unfamiliar, three major stars in final years of their contracts which would be a huge distraction for many (who still remembers the days Arsenal fans claimed the reason the team was failing was because of the Walcott contract situation? Yes that’s right, I said WALCOTT 😂🙄). Slot in charge of a club that’s finished behind Arsenal two years running.

He bought one half-crocked Italian on the cheap and nothing else, taking over from a Liverpool legend. He hasn’t had six years, £600m + and certainly isn’t on anything like, £15m a season!

So you see, we keep being told by clueless Gooners like Tom from Leyton, that Arteta has “worked wonders” and taken Arsenal “to heights” – although these “heights” sound like the kind of under-6 kiddy heights at an Alton Towers ride lol. FAKE HEIGHTS!

Gutless defeat at Bournemouth, zero goals scored. Opposition takes the lead, game dead.
Gutless defeat at Newcastle, again, zero goals scored. Opposition takes the lead, game dead.
Gutless defeat in Milan, you guessed it…Zero goals scored! Opposition takes the lead, game dead.

Three consecutive defeats. Falling like a stone in the PL, looking up wistfully at errrrm. Oh, Forest! Hahaha. Chelsea away next should be a fourth consecutive defeat in all comps.

Meanwhile, Slot is clear at the top of the PL, clear at the top of the CL, schooling Xabi (who Arsenal should clearly be approaching to replace Arteta, unless Madrid sack Carlo of course. Pep will stay at Citeh, Liverpool gig is gone, Flick doing great at Barca, Xabi is gettable).

In any other sane world, the Arsenal fans would accept the manager is a failure and the ridiculous succession of excuses would stop. Not in the Most Ridiculous Show in Town though! The Deep State PGMOL, Hayley’s Comet and Hillary Clinton’s email server will all be blamed first! It’s like listening to Trump supporters tell us they’re “worried about criminals and crime” and “women’s rights” – as they literally overwhelmingly vote for a rapist, 34-count convicted felon who wants to take away a woman’s right to choose! Hahahaha
Stewie Griffin (Trump was fired in 2020, launched a violent insurrection, was convicted on 34 felony counts, spent months in and out of court, had an assassination attempt, and still won something before Arteta. SAD!)

Good timing for this…
Stewie Griffin used to be an Arsenal fan in the way Gollum used to be a hobbit until he got corrupted and turned into an evil creature who lived in the dark and was full of bitterness and bile.
Colin Goldring

Disappointed in Ally
Not going to go to much into the game itself (same slightly stodgy Arsenal) but really very disappointed in the commentary.

Fletch has always been a beige and uninformed announcer prone to sticking to a narrative prebaked before the game regardless of the actual match he’s watching- unless it’s to constantly reference how it is different – without any genuine insight.

But Ally has really come down from his high point of the internationals – it hardly feels like he’s trying at this point and the comment of ‘at least Arsenal are trying to cross the ball now’ at 83 minutes when that was all they have done all half made me a bit sad.

I feel pretty similarly about Neville at this point too – the spark seems to have gone. But who’s the new talent coming through?
Tom (nice that TNT put up the little box saying ‘Voice of Rio Ferdinand’ before he starts speaking so I can unplug my brain/zone out and spare my sanity) Leyton

READ: Mikel Arteta proves Martin Odegaard more important to Arsenal than him after Inzaghi lesson

Is it just easier to score these days?
We know Messi and Ronaldo were special. Messi being probably the most naturally gifted footballer of all time and Ronaldo coupling his own ability with unrivalled discipline and self-belief.

They spurred each other on season after season to become seemingly super-human goal-scoring machines. Based on skill alone, many could argue that ‘Real Ronaldo’ was better, that Maradona or Pele still held the accolade of the greatest, but it was their scoring record that seemed to lift them above the rest. After their careers started to reach the twilight years many sagely declared there would never be anything like their prolific output again.

Yet along came Haaland and Mbappe threatening to undermine the specialness of their predecessors with their own ridiculous stats before the two legends have even hung up their boots. Tuesday night’s action brought to the attention of the masses the fact that another young prodigy in Gyokeres is capable of those numbers too.

So I wanted to put the question to the mailbox, why are we getting these numbers of about a goal per game consistently? I love Haaland, but for all his stats he is basically a fast, powerful forward who is a deadly finisher. As straightforward a striker as they come. He’s also human as we saw again on Tuesday night. I don’t know much about Gyokeres to make more than a snap judgement but he seems similar to Haaland.

Is it an improvement to the sports science and the training of strikers coming through the youth systems?

Is it just easier to score these days as an elite striker? Perhaps due to the shift towards high lines and playing out from the back from almost every top level team. Even Harry Kane at the other end of his career to the aforementioned whippersnappers is hitting near similar levels suddenly.

Or is it just a freak coincidence?
Nick, MCFC

Boring Champions League format, is it?
Just before the halfway point, the new Champions League group stage is boring us to death as the critics expected. Heavy favorites (Sporting, Monaco, Brest) in line for automatic entry to the knockouts and the dross of the pool (Bayern Munich, Atletico Madrid, Leipzig) struggling to avoid an early exit.

What a shame we no longer have the thrilling home and away matchups of a group containing Man City, Club Brugge, Red Star and Young Boys that brought so much intrigue as to who would make it through… in second place.

In reality, I am truly enjoying the multiple knock-out round quality matches we’re getting every game week and will continue until the extra 180 minutes that made this format possible catch up and half the players are out with injuries. The number of games does need to be reduced, but please find somewhere else to do it.
Carlos

Man City’s version of a crisis
Before all the talk of mini crisis, City have dropped seven points in the league, are in no danger of going out of European Cup at this stage, and don’t give a shiny shite about the Carabao Cup.

Still as a United fan I’m excited about the arrival of Amorim, just hope we don’t break him, or turn that lush hair grey.

All the very best.
David McDougall

Xabi coming back?
Back in 2014’s pre-season, an inspirational manager brought a well thought of German team to play at Anfield.

Their manager touched the club badge on the way out to the dugouts and sat back and watched his team lose 4-0 to Liverpool.

Wind the clock forward a decade and we see history repeating itself, but instead of Klopp-Dortmund we have Alonso-Leverkusen.

I’m a bit of believer in the fate of numbers (particularly when it fits a broader narrative that I want to see happen !).

So it’s ‘See you down the line Xabi !’ (… just maybe not a couple of years or so).
Sparky, LFC

If my grandmother had wheels…
After reading Wednesday morning’s mailbox and shaking my head a little whilst reading the top letter about Liverpool being crowned too early I knew the name Garey rang a bell. I’ve previously replied to one of his letters regarding Liverpool being a long ball team (The man LOVES watching Big Red). Now I know I’m taking the bait again here, but after watching Tuesday night’s demolition of Leverkusen I’m feeling good and will play along.

As requested, I won’t be throwing insults around. As a Man Utd fan, Garey has enough pain in his life. Maybe Amorim will turn things around for them. I saw Rio Ferdinand has just backed him and that’s usually a good sign lads *does at the wheel hands*

Anyway, I digress. Whenever a team is sat top of the league you are going to get a portion of fans that start dreaming of winning it. Are Liverpool fans guilty of this? Absolutely, but that comes with the territory when you’re more often than not in the mix. Like in the olden days for Man Utd.

Will it last? Who knows. Personally I, looked at this season as a bit of a free hit and had zero expectations one way or another. As you well know, replacing a legend rarely goes smoothly but thankfully Klopp left an extremely competitive squad for Slot to take on.

Now I’m from the school where you don’t have to slag off your ex just because they are just that. I don’t feel the need the say Klopp had a fat arse or had let himself go. That man did exactly what he said and in the spirit of whataboutery, a handful of results going the other way here and there would have 3 times the titles. But they didn’t…much like the list of games listed by Garey. Klopp was a legend and Slot getting off to a flyer doesn’t alter my feelings on Klopp one bit.

Now onto the question of what Slot is doing differently to Klopp. The main thing for me is his confidence. He hasn’t come in and felt the need to be a Klopp tribute act or go completely the other way and rip the whole team up. A rebuild wasn’t needed…more a calibration. And boy is he getting it dialled in! To me these tweaks of a slightly more patient game and different set up in midfield look to be making a small but significant difference in the right direction.

The players look happy and appear to be drinking the Slot Kool-Aid too. Konate has gone full Beast Mode. Trent’s looked as good defensively as he ever has and although the assists have dropped off, he is often the guy behind the guy behind the guy, playing the difference making pass to the man setting up the goal. No good for FPL, but great for actual real life results!

The midfield is looking great. The Zubimendi fiasco could end up being a real blessing in disguise as Gravenberch has been nothing short of sensational this season. Now is this Slot of just timing? Well given it’s not just him but Curtis Jones is in the form of his life so Slot must be doing something right and playing his part.

The attack also seem to be getting better by the game. It just all looks a little more considered right now. Those Man Utd games where Liverpool had 276 chances and only scored 3 goals not winning any come to mind. Salah is always Salah but does look at the top of his incredible game right now. Gakpo is starting to look really settled on that left wing now and looking like the player we see for The Netherlands and when it’s Diaz he’s looked more clinical too. Even Nunez looks a little more settled and despite still not looking 100% is doing his part. I’m not really someone who puts a lot of stock in xG but from the eyeball test, it’s a case of quality over quantity of shots/chances so far this season. I hope this answers your concerns on the tactical side of things?

As for this easy start, I think Slot summed it up perfectly when he said all he heard before he started was how there are no easy games in the Premier League and now it’s all he hears. Liverpool are halfway through that highlighted tough run and are so far crushing it whilst seemingly getting better every game.

You seem to put a lot of time and effort into your stats so I’ll take them at face value. Slot’s sample size is very small though so I’m not really sure how much they offer long term right now. Being better defensively though was top of most fans wants though and this seems to match up with the eye ball test and results so far.

As for your list of what ifs, they are just that. If my Grandma had wheels etc……Top of the LEAGUES mate.
Adam (Leeds)

MORE LIVERPOOL COVERAGE ON F365…
👉 This Liverpool ‘not as dangerous’; surely their ‘luck’ cannot last under Arne Slot?
👉 Liverpool nepotism eroding as Slot earns Alonso scalp with dream debut season gathering steam
👉 Liverpool urged to ‘break bank’ to sign ‘ready-made’ Salah replacement; FSG ‘block three January exits’

…It’s kind of cute of Garey Vance to quote all the basic stats and use to negatively compare Slot to Klopp, and then throw down the gauntlet to find ‘evidence and stats’ to disprove his anecdote of “Brighton being 4 or 5 up at half time.”

Stats are not evidence. You can analyze those stats and structure to create information but by themselves they are meaningless.

Even Ian Graham points out in his recent book how he had originally turned down the opportunity to watch the Barcelona CL second leg as Liverpool were sure to lose as his analysis indicated a 2% chance of winning. Only after a friend wanted to go did he watch the game and was excited and stunned at the 4-0 win. Even the pre and post game xG etc didn’t show a 4-0 win and the post game data only indicated a 5% chance of winning. But win they did. Showing stats on their own don’t tell the whole story.

But let’s discuss a couple of things. As Oliver Dziggel rightly points out Liverpool are better defensively and this shows through in the stats Garey provided but conveniently overlooks. Remember that number includes the Brighton game. And while they had a few chances, many were from outside the box or under pressure from a Liverpool defender.

Liverpool started well last season, and other than the controversial Spurs game, would have equaled or bettered this season’s start if they drew or won that game. But their goal difference was worse. If you recall it wasn’t until the second half that the going behind but catching up took its toll when they started to draw or lose too many before the final run in and lost touch with the leaders. I’m sure that was something Slot has thought about – hence his more controlled game plan for the long haul. It’s worth noting that Liverpool’s defending is on par (slightly better) than at the same point in their most recent winning season 2019/20.

Liverpool are doing better in the second half than the first half of games. His half time tactical talks are clearly having an effect, and his substitutions are impactful and timely. But it would require detailed analysis of all stats by each half to prove that decisively.

Giving the guy who was first choice for the job a 4-0 drubbing in the CL must have felt good, but Slot has stated pretty cool. And I think that sums up the overall attitude of Liverpool fans to Slot. He’s doing a decent job, better an expected, better than nearly all the pundits and media had expected. He’s not as manic on the touch line or after games, and the team plays a much more controlled game – so harder to go bonkers in your seat. And less likely to have fans go over the top in love at this point. But he is getting a ton of respect.
Paul McDevitt

(Actually, Liverpool are doing better in the first half of games than the second – Ed)

…In response to Garey (the real slim shady) Vance, MUFC so on and so forth.

I’m not aware of any Liverpool fans (known to me at least) who are talking about titles yet but I will admit to feeling very happy with A. Slot. We’re top of the league, top of the CL. You can see the players smiling and generally rubbing along together, Salah looks refreshed and near his imperious best (deffo the hair implants), ditto VvD, Cody has gotten on the weights, ‘bit-part’ players like Endo and Joe are performing admirably when asked to do so, in Ryan we appear to have signed a monster that was not apparent under JK, we have two, and now possibly three of the best goalies in the world at their various career stages with a fourth on the way next season, we have Harvey & Diogo to come back (acknowledge OUR injury ‘crisis’!!!!) and Arne, for a PL tyro, appears to be a quick study. Learning ‘in game’ and garnering results.

City have important players out and are looking (and actually are) indisputably beatable at the moment, Arsenal have a very narky man in charge and that has detracted from their challenge with the indiscipline being transferred to the pitch (my brother calls him ‘ikkel likkel mikel’ which I think is both hilarious and apt), United have a new manager so who knows?? Unfortunately, I don’t think he can be nearly as bad as EtH but WTFDIK? Spurs, Villa, Chelsea, Brighton, Newcastle who knows, do they??? I don’t.

I do know that we’re roughly a quarter of the way through the season so extrapolate current standings through to May and we’re definitely winning the quadruple. xG that! Ah, only trying to get a rise.

So, ‘a relatively kind fixture list’, ‘riding their luck’. Or maybe just better players, finishing more coolly when it comes to the crunch and a new but capable manager able to adapt to the unfolding circumstances of a football match, which I assume is a job requirement (for a football manager).

‘Brighton 4 or 5 up by HT’ sure, but they weren’t (see above). ‘injury-stricken Arsenal’ – it’s not like they didn’t put a decent team out and to listen to AFC fans after their city game you’d think they were the new Dogs of War, going to toe-to-toe with the big boys at the Etihad. Well, we had a ding-dong battle with them as well and the result was the same and, I think pretty fair.

‘Does Salah score with Timber and Gabriel on the pitch?’ WTF knows, maybe they’d have collided with each other, run around like Keystone Cops and conceded a bushel of penalties, you could pop across to your alternate reality and tell us what the score was with different players on the pitch in that timeline. ‘Chelsea deserved a draw’ Why? Since when has deserving meant anything in football? A ‘clear-cut’ not scored is called ‘a miss’ so you could say Chelsea missed more.

I think we ‘deserved’ to win the PL the year Carney kept Kane on the field after he two-footed Robbo, Kane went on to score, we dropped two points and city won the title by a point but hey, deserving, or not. ‘Narrow wins’ and ‘riding their luck’? Such things are the stuff of titles aren’t they?

To irk you further I will present you with absolutely no evidence and stats to support the above – sorry, no Utd fan tells me what to do, well you can, but I shan’t listen. But what I will say in closing is this. The end of last season was absolutely draining. I felt as tired and tense as Klopp intimated he was and those last few games were tortuous, win, lose, draw, win, lose or whatever, it seemed to permeate the club from the manager to the players to the fans and it was horrid, horrid.

Arne has come in and I feel relaxed and happy, the players are looking relaxed and happy and me and my mates are relaxed and happy. Is Arne the Messiah? We’ll see.
Sebbo (Hinge) (one for the older crowd) YNWA

What Slot has changed
Re Garey Vance’s Mail regarding Liverpool. As a Liverpool fan it’s hard to disagree with a lot of it. Liverpool are scoring and creating less under Slot. Equally as true is that we are giving up less chances and obviously conceding less too. We have been a bit lucky (I guess).

But it’s also interesting that we are defending 15 yards closer to our own goal and we are not chasing the ball as much. Hence we don’t seem to be picking up as many injuries and have quite a settled team which is reaping benefits for all to see. Long may it continue.
Derek LFC

And here’s Garey himself…
427 responses yet only one (thanks Oliver Dziggel) attempted to get to the crux of the question asked about tactics and style of play – I thought these Liverpool fans were meant to be a knowledgeable bunch?! But no, in response Oliver, improved defensive stats does not answer the question as to what has changed tactically, that is perhaps as a result of different tactics/style.

One thing I have been hearing is how Slot seeks to control games more than Klopp would but, as the possession averages show, Liverpool actually have less possession than last year. In his earlier years at Liverpool, Klopp utilised the long ball quite a bit (from one side of pitch to other or direct from GK) but this was less pronounced in his later years (5th most long balls in 19/20 when they won the league but 13th in long balls last season for instance).

Liverpool currently sit 8th in the long ball league, coupled with lower possession, perhaps suggesting Slot is actually content going more direct and not having as much control of games compared to a short passing (e.g. tiki taka) style. Which is a perfectly valid approach but flies in the face of having greater control in games than heavy metal Klopp.

Is it a slower build-up from the back or maybe even just taking fewer risks? I suspect we’ll get a good idea of Slot’s style and tactics as time goes on – one to keep an eye on I would say, in the absence of the tactical deep dive I was fishing for.
Garey (ETH is still a great coach) Vance, MUFC

Heart for Hart
I watched some of the Celtic Leipzig game on Tuesday night and have to say I was very impressed listening to Joe Hart – a voice very easy to listen to and some decent analysis. If he could just replace any of Jamie Carragher, Gary Neville or Lucy Ward as a co-commentator for any game I’m watching in the future that would be wonderful.
David Horgan, Dublin