Ten animals on the pitch include Ewood Park chicken and a rogue kangaroo

Football is boring for much of the time. I mean, the ball isn’t even in play for half an hour, so when an animal gets on the pitch it is worth the ticket price and almost certainly more fun than the kicky kicky.

Cockerel
There are plenty of cocks at football and certainly no shortage on the pitch, but in a game between Blackburn and Wigan this one had feathers and was wrapped in a Rovers flag of some sort. It was goal hanging, looking for an easy tap-in perhaps and stopped play.

Despite being a flightless bird, it evaded capture and ran in that comic, ‘skirts up’ way they have, behind the goal where the goalie managed to pin it down and a player gave it to a steward tasked with wildlife disposal. Nobody chanted ‘cocks out’ which was an opportunity missed.

Cat
The Toffees are losing to Wolves and a gorgeous black cat decides to invade the pitch and hold up play by running all over with a liveliness that the players couldn’t match.

Two stewards try to intercept the frisky puss but it’s a strong runner and evades capture with a classic winger’s move of slowing down, sucking them in and then speeding up. It eventually runs up the tunnel after providing more entertainment than the footballers and by being much better looking.

Mouse
In 2009, a tense local derby was interrupted by a small mouse. Must be some sort of illustrative analogy there. It runs in that bouncy sort of way mouses do, looking more mobile than Harry Maguire. Only surprise is that United didn’t sign it as a defensive midfielder for £60million.

MORE FROM JOHN NICHOLSON ON F365
👉 England for the English manager; anything else is just ‘cheating’
👉 Cole Palmer and co. propped up and flattered by English exceptionalism

Dog
A dog on the pitch is as traditional as offside. There’s nothing that’s as much fun. In this Mexican game the pooch is running around the penalty area as the ball is caught by the keeper. Play is halted and the ball is dropped which the doggy takes as a cue to grab it in his jaws and leg it, pursued by an army of stewards, one with a comedically long piece of string. But the dog is a twisty-turney chap and evades capture and makes everyone look very silly as they try to grab it, while Yakety Sax presumably plays. Throughout, the dog looks like it is laughing and absolutely loving this game.

Pigeon
Pigeons are everywhere, so it’s unsurprising that they sometimes land on the pitch. On this occasion, a baggy, loose-feathered example of the species holds up the game by residing in midfield and not moving out of the centre circle, emulating Jan Molby in that respect. Johnny Howson picks it up and takes it to the touchline. His delicate handling of birds prepared him well for a career on Teesside at Middlesbrough’s many salubrious night spots.

Llama
The last thing you expect to see in Wakefield at a football ground in the West Yorkshire League Premier Division is a lovely alpaca dashing onto the pitch and stopping play. An inherently comic animal in the first place with a long neck and a playful expression, it trots on in a cheerful happy-go-lucky way, as though saying “hello lads, playing footie, are we? Give us a kick”. You can’t take against such a lovely animal and it makes all humanity’s activities look pointless in the face of such beauty.

Cow
In India, one of the regular hazards of playing on your local football pitch is the game being disrupted by a wandering cow, which is what happens in one instance when the beast laconically wanders down the left wing and ends up behind the goal. What can you do? A cow is a big animal and also holy, so you’ve got to let it do whatever it wants to do. So commonplace is it that everyone just ignores the cow and plays around it. Much like the way England ignored strikers against Greece.

Kangaroo
In Australia, one of the regular hazards of playing on your local football pitch is the game being disrupted by a speeding kangaroo. Yer ‘roo is a wonderful but terrifying animal and can run at 70km an hour. Only Kyle Walker can keep up and he doesn’t have a big greasy pouch – at least that’s not what he calls it. Wouldn’t it be great to be brought up in a pouch like a joey, though not a Joey Barton. In a game between Belconnen United and Canberra, a ‘roo comes bouncing down the touchline at speed, lies down in the penalty area to survey the action and later bounds at speed from one end of the pitch to the other. To be honest it looks more mobile than any Chelsea striker ever has.

Seagull
Gulls are a fact of life at grounds near water. I’ve seen huge gangs of them at Hibernian that look better fed than many in Leith. In a game between Melbourne City and Sydney FC a few are on the pitch, outside the penalty area, pecking around, when a square ball from one centre-half to the other hits one and seems to knock it unconscious. The keeper takes the bird off the pitch to one of the coaches who looks after it, strokes it and lets it recover then fly away. Its the sort of heart-warming care rarely shown to players.

Ducks
Sunday League soccer takes place almost everywhere and on a variety of pitches, including a waterlogged one. So waterlogged that it’s home to five rather spiffing ducks who are sitting in puddles seemingly drinking the water. Ducks do not stop play, which continues until it is then actually stopped by a pack of rogue shire horses rampaging around the pitch at pace. Everyone scatters, fearful of being trampled by the massive equine invaders. But the ducks are made of sterner stuff and remain in situ as the horses run amok.

READ NEXT: Man Utd narrowly avoid bottom spot in all-important Premier League mood rankings